Snarky TARDIS III: No Chance
by Hope Meijer
Summary: Why was it every time Adam needed to find a bathroom, he found the swimming pool? [Adamteasing, NineRose fluff]


_Author's Note: Third in the Snarky TARDIS series. More Adam-teasing, and a little bit of Nine/Rose. _

_Dedication: Permission approved for Sparks to hit me with a heavy implement of her choice for not having this up as soon as promised. Or a banana._

* * *

NO CHANCE

* * *

"Just think where you want to go, and she'll move the corridors around to help you," he had said, in that annoyingly cheerful Northern accent. "Especially if you really need to find a room. Like a bathroom." 

So why was it every time Adam needed to find a bathroom, he found the swimming pool? Or when he wanted to check out the supposedly massive wardrobe – he found the library? Gardens with unripe vegetables, instead of the kitchen; the cricket pitch instead of his own bedroom?

And this time, he wanted to find the control room. He liked sitting there in the middle of the night, when he couldn't sleep. It gave him a comforting and soothing atmosphere, with the humming and vibrating of the machine, and the green light that he could never figure out the source of. He could sit and mull over the days' events, or just remember his life before the Doctor and Rose waltzed in.

"Where is the damn thing..." he murmured as he walked down a corridor, absently noting that it looked exactly like every _other _corridor he had walked down.

Up ahead of him appeared a room that he recognised. Although this late at night he'd rather not disturb the occupant...

He hesitated outside, wondering what the response would be. Groggy, probably.

"Rose?" he knocked lightly at the door. Apparently the TARDIS was feeling helpful, as the door slid open with an almost inaudible 'swoosh', and he was greeted with darkness as opposed to the dim blue light filtering into the corridor.

"Mmm...?" came the response. There was movement, and as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, Adam watched a delightfully rumpled Rose prop herself up to squint at him. "Adam? Whass'wrong?"

Evidently Rose was nowhere near as eloquent when she had just been woken up.

"I can't find my way anywhere..." He decided not to tell her he needed to find the control room. It was his secret habit, and even though he trusted her, she might let slip in a conversation with the Doctor. Then he _wouldn't_ be allowed near it. The Doctor never trusted him with anything.

Mind you, the Doctor didn't trust _him_. The closest he got to pleasant conversation with the Time Lord was being called 'pretty boy'. If the alien was in a bad mood, Adam was always referred to as 'him' and 'stray', or on a particularly bad day, 'it'.

"Where d'ya wanna go?"

...Um...

"Bathroom?"

"Down the corridor, first right."

Wait a minute. Adam could have sworn Rose's voice wasn't that deep. And she didn't come from the North, last time he checked.

As he watched, an arm appeared over Rose's waist – a rather muscular arm, which only fuelled the young genius's suspicions further – and the Doctor moved into sight, propping himself up and gazing at Adam with eyes that were far too bright and awake for someone who had just pulled himself from sleep. Rose mumbled something incoherently and rolled over to snuggle into the Doctor's chest, only half-listening out for any amusing comments that could be used as blackmail in the future.

"Um...well, I – uh – I guess I'd better go find it..." Smooth, real smooth.

"Yes, you had," was the short reply. "Close the door on your way out, ta."

As Adam disappeared from sight and the comfortable darkness was restored in Rose's room, the Doctor lay back down and watched Rose's face as she looked blearily up at him.

"Think he suspected?" she muttered.

He frowned. "I dunno...hadn't got much to go on..."

She whacked him feebly, then cuddled up against him again. "Warm."

"Yeah, I tend to be that when I've just been sharing body warmth."

"Smart ass."

"That too."

"Why here?"

He had to think a minute about that. "You mean why was he here of all places?" Rose had specifically made sure that Adam was situated at least two floors away from her room, so she wouldn't have any wandering admirers in the night.

"Mmm."

There was a rumble from deep inside the TARDIS, and the corners of the Time Lord's mouth curved up into a smile as he realised. "The old girl's way of telling Adam he has no chance with you."

At that point in time, Rose was too warm and comfortable, cocooned in her duvet and resting against the Doctor, to understand what he meant. As she dozed off again, soothed by the calming double beat of his two hearts, she assumed he would explain it to her again in the morning.

Grinning his inane grin, the Doctor pulled her closer, wrapped his arms round her and buried his nose in the crook of her neck, willing to finally give up on his nightly routine of watching her sleep, and drift off himself.

* * *

And Adam, out in the depths of the TARDIS, found that every corridor he followed lead back to his room.

* * *

_Author's Note: Finally. I'm just off to kick the hell out of then I'll be happy. And I've done some Nine/Rose shippiness! Yay!_


End file.
